I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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