I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
