dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
