Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
