i'm signing you up for texting rehab
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
