threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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