you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
