I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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