You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
