when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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