you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
