you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
