im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
