Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
