Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
