I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
