Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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