we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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