Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
