Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
