the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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