I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
