The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
