just come out here and I will go home with you...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
