so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
