so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
