I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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