My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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