I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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