even my farts smell like vagina
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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