you didnt know i had herpes?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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