I want to have your abortion
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
