he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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