I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
