Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
