i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
