I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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