you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
