i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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