i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
