Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and she was petting her beer can
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
