Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
