Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
