is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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