They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
