it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
