if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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