is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
