you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
