I'm gonna have a badass scar
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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