That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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