I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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