...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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