The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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