Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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