Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
